you know how some people are just "farm." at least that's what i've come to call them. lovingly of course. matt is one of them. they just have this way about them. they aren't pretentious, they pay attention to things, they are simple, kind folk who know and love the land. truth be told, i have always wanted to be more "farm." which is why i'm drawn to people like matt and roseann and olivia and gene who work on the organic farm where i've spent the last 3 summers.

i don't think you can ever really become "farm," although i've tried. i think you are born that way. and of course, the obvious factor of growing up on a farm. it is a way of life that only other farmers can know. i wish i could know.

yesterday i took the long gravel driveway down to his house. he was in bed, his family all around him. these were farm folk. plain and true. they knew his death would be soon. and as i watched this young man and his father, i began to feel the heat of emotion rise from deep within me. i tried to stop it, but as i looked at this old farmer, his glasses filthy and smudged with dried tears and dirt, i began to cry. this old farmer was losing his son and he wept and wept and wept. the tears that only a parent can shed for their child.

i looked out the window to gain some composure and noticed the fields had been turned over since i was there last. planting has begun. and this farmer was shedding the tears that would soon water and replenish the soil. the soil that had been the life blood of this family for over a hundred years.

these days are fleeting. this life such a mystery. i tried to remember this story when my own little farmer woke me today at 5:15. sometimes i get so crabby. sometimes i just wish he would sleep. but the sun is rising earlier and he knows it. he will be "farm." at least i hope. i'll raise him that way as much as i can. . . .

always trying to remember that this life is that long gravel road, leading us home.


oops i forgot to feed the baby

hey anne (and jake) this post is for you.

my baby is 1. saturday was the first birthday. pretty monumentous. but during the course of the busy day, busy for the adults anyway, i forgot to feed the baby. oops. and so many times i felt like i should blog about the birthday, post pictures of the birthday, be "emotional" about the first birthday, but really, it's just another day.

sure i remembered to sit and reflect at 10:23 am, with matt in the bathroom (on the toilet in fact) where it all took place, but the rest of the day was just sort of a blurr. five generations worth of blurriness.

the edges of my days just all seem to run together now. but, we made it one full rotation around the sun together. each day blurring into night 365 times. 365 lullabies. 365 good morning kisses. 365 days of spinning through space.



baby bliss

i was recently witness to the most sacred event of all time.....

the birth of a new human being.

i am overcome with joy to know this family.

and, that little ave-dave has a new buddy!



i've been writing a lot. just not on my blog.

i write in my journal mostly. but i also write little notes to avery. trying to keep track of his life through the little moments i get to witness. i have never actually considered myself "a writer" but it is what i do.

i've been working on a lot of pieces about motherhood. about raising a boy. about working with dying patients. about farming. about how i'm trying to figure things out. i'm usually pretty secretive about my writing. but recently i have been asked to put myself out there. so i did.

you can check out my story for sexual assault awareness month in the Northfield News.i didn't think anyone read the paper anymore. isn't print dead? apparently not as i've had numerous people tell me that my story touched them in some way. and that is the beauty of sharing stories.

you can also read an article i was asked to write about g diapers (with a picture of Avery!) in the Northfield Co-op Newsletter
The Compost. i couldn't resist putting in a plug for diaper free since i believe in it so much. you can also see photos and a little paragraph about the flowers I arranged for a couple on the front page in "our local wedding." soon the flowers and vegetables will be up and i'll be busy harvesting and arranging. but as for now,

this is what i've been up to lately.