grasping or remembering?

i find myself grasping. wanting to hold on to this life of just the three of us a little bit longer. i keep thinking, we are just now figuring out how to manage parenting one child, now there will be 2?!?!?!
three months is not long my friends.

i want desperately to remember each and every detail of what we have learned from eachother thus far. and there has been a lot learned. he is my teacher. but i am not good about posting photos, events, thoughts of our day to day life. i wish i could be soulemama. sigh. who doesn't? but alas. i am not.

as his student, i guess i have just been trying to live it. be in the moment. savoring the tastes, smells, sensations of this life. this beautiful, full life we have created for ourselves. but do you know what? sometimes it's almost harder to tolerate the insane exctasy of loving.

we are put on earth a little space, That we may learn to bear the beams of love. William Blake, Songs of Innocence

sometimes i feel like that. like my job is to learn how to bear the beams love. how could love possibly be hard to bear? because i have never really known love before. i am learning. learning to bear love. and love does not need to grasp. so, here i go. entering a world where all i have is all i need. and upon reflection, it's a lot.

i feel like i gain so much from getting a little window into other peoples' exsistences, and sort of selfish that i have not kept up my end of the bargain. so, while i still have some time on my hands i want to catch you all up to speed on the past year of our life. a month at a time. it will help me both remember and let go..


the biggest news: first visit from midwife Rachel. the baby was too busy flipping to let us hear the actual heart beat.


pumpkins of course. we had 11 pie pumpkins on the boulevard and 3 BIG jack-o-lanterns. we carved one. avery couldn't bear to "cut his apart" so he drew a face on his. and he moved into his big boy bed. courtesy of his old man.

p.s. the wrist band are not a fashion statement, they are anti-nausea bands courtesy of morning sickness.


one word defines september in minnesota: tomatoes!
a pretty good crop this year as you can see. and our first trip to seed savers exchange for the annual tomato-tasting. exciting.


august was full, full indeed. conceiving a babe. holding the full moon at blue mound state park. smoking a peace pipe with paige (sorry baby). we prayed to mother earth: "please take pity on us, help me, help me"

sunflowers higher than our heads. watermelon. pumpkin patches. cicadas. holding on to summer....


july made us smile! july was spent at the pool. and at the farm, growing flowers and doing weddings. oh, and eating amazing home-grown food.


more of my favorite things:
lake superior
drift wood
naked gardening


May brings my favorite things:
naked outdoor eating


the smell of lily of the valley filled every room of the house. baby kate was born! avery turned 3 and the bleeding hearts danced in the breeze.