and not just the stuff they don't tell you about, or the stuff other mothers DON'T talk about. like the extremely sore nipples, the leaking boobs, the times when i'm alone with him and don't know where to put him while i'm pooping. and the days when i don't even get a chance to poop! or eat for that matter. or how much HE'LL eat. which is CONSTANTLY! or how milk drips into the creases of his fat little neck and begins to smell sour. and how you really use burt's bees lotion to cover up the sour milk neck smell and NOT for dry skin. and how unglamorous motherhood really is, despite everything i've seen and read in PEOPLE magazine.
and then there are the things that people DO talk about, but you somehow think YOU'LL be different. like the not sleeping. and the fatigue. and the "letting yourself go." and how you have trouble concentrating. and how you sort of forget about everything else in the world. or that there even is a world outside of the two of you. and how not a second goes by anymore that i don't think (i.e. worry) about him. and how my life is not really my own anymore. and how little you can get done in a day. other than just contributing to his growing "weight problem." oh, and did i mention the not sleeping?
and then there are the things that i wasn't AT ALL prepared for. like the way his little eyes search my face and make me melt. or the way his little mouth opens up when he's hungry and he looks like a little bird. and how i can't stop kissing him. and kissing him. and kissing him. and how he feels in the croock of my arm at night in bed. and how his warm little body nestles into me and my heart literally swells with love. and how the thought of losing him (god forbid) makes me break into a million pieces. or how surreal it feels to see matt holding him. and the pride i feel as i watch him grow, and smile and laugh...and get to know everyone that loves him. like cousin Charlie, who took a swing in the hammock and tickled his little toes. or that despite all the ways my life has changed, i really couldn't imagine it any other way. and wouldn't want to go back to the way it was.
and despite all the things i didn't know, the world IS beginning to make sense.
avery's in the hammock!
4 comments:
oh my gosh. i am so glad i know you.
i love your honesty about EVERYTHING! these are the things we need to talk about! seeing you and matt and avery together as a family is so beautiful.
can it get any better than that?!
so beautiful. thank you for helping me see.
oh amanda. i am sorry if i never told you about those things. quite honestly, i had already forgotten about some of them (like the sour milk neck)(or where to put him when YOUR nature calls!) and that could be why no body ever told me, either! as quickly as they grow, you forget so many of those little things, because they are replaced with new ones. -- it will be a while before avery answers your questions with "nooo"s and "umm-umm"s or "oookaay"s - or waves and says "bye" after you've layed him down for bed at night. keep writing about the little things you are living through now, it is the only way to remember the ones that slip through the cracks!
It's the big mom secret. Now you can't tell anyone either, or no more babies would be born:)
He is beautiful -and could he look any more like matt?
congrats, and welcome to parenthood.
martha
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