everything is dying. the minute we're born we are all only just getting closer to our own death. and it's this time of year that reminds us of that-that all living things eventually die.
our rituals are dying. all summer long avery and i have walked around the garden each morning to see what's sprung up overnight. but now, nothing is new. the garden smells of death and decay. there are only rotten vines going back into the earth. another tomato falls, another person dies.
the woman i've been is dying. and i need to talk to paige so bad, but she's not here. she's in colorado at yet another funeral (the fifth this year). because like i said, everything is dying.
my identity, like my garden is dying. both of which contain my past and my future. i'm at a crossroads. and it's somewhere between history and heaven.
6 comments:
ohh Amandaa, You inspire me with all of your beautiful words.I had to get on your blog site after talking today with you to really be apart of Amands world. Even in your sorrow of the seasons changing, death showing its true face, such painful thoughts it seems so calming coming from you. Oh, do i understand the whole defining of who you are. The labels we creat for ourselves and or others cret for us.
loved the state fair brough back some great memories of looong days with the family in MN!
nat
amanda-dear....what you say is true, we all are moving closer to death - but you are also talking about rituals and identities and it is important to remember (especially in this climate-zone) that there are many cycles and rejuvinations within the lifespan of so many living things. you may not realize it yet, but you and avery are already creating a new ritual .. the fall ritual, which will slowly roll into a winter, then spring ritual. these cycles mark time and growth and saddness and promise. perenial plants will come back, you & avery will be in the garden again - and you will be the same people and yet different. i think it is why laughing and crying go hand in hand ... and please rest assured that you are not the only woman/mother who wonder WHO they are! --tia
you are so smart and thoughtful.
hey lady. as adrienne rich once so eloquently said, "the moment of change is the only poem." i think that's true. and it sounds like that's where you're at. it's a beautiful, bittersweet place to be. big love to you.
damara
but do you know what happens after something dies? it is re-born.
thanks ladies! i couldn't exist without you all.
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