avery is 9 months old today. and i'm feeling the need to reflect. he has now been outside of me, growing independently (well sort of independently) of me for almost as long as he was completely wrapped up inside my being. for roughly 10 months he waited, knees curled to chin, to be unfurled into this life. his life. no longer my life, containing his. 9 months old plus 10 months in utero and today is the 19th. funny how that adds up.
there is this blog, you probably arleady know this, but it's called dooce. i know my blog will never be like her blog, but that is the beauty of blogs right?! well, one of the things i love about her blog is that she writes her daughter a letter every month. and for those of you mothers out there, you can just imagine the dedication it takes to do such a thing. anyway, i wrote avery a letter once, before he was born. when i had time to sit down and write. a real letter. but i haven't written one since. so, i'm going to take this opportunity to change that. it's ok that it's not my ninth letter to him (who am i kidding, i'm not dooce). but it is a start. so here goes. my first letter to my boy-avery david:
1.19.08
oh ave dave!
you are such a big boy. 9 months has passed in the blink of an eye.
things you love right now: crawling. pulling yourself up on everything. clapping and squealing while i dance around you. tofu! listening to music. (yesterday you even turned the radio on by yourself and began clapping!) nursing. playing peek-a-boo. reading books. "talking" to your stuffed animals. long hot baths (which you get from me). eating all kinds of food (which you get from your papa). your cousins, and your grandma and grandpa. watching the birdies at the bird feeder (i think that comes from your great-grandpa avery). playing rough house on the big bed. riding your new trike. playing with your buddies. going for walks in the arb in the backpack. being pulled in your new sled. i could go on and on. you seem to love just about everything. oh avery, if only i could learn how to love everything. how are you so happy? it is what i love most about you-your happiness. but it's not the only thing...
some other things i love right now: your smile. your giggle. your hair, all beautiful, blond and curly. your smell which is part sweaty boy, part sweetness. your fat little ankles and wrists. nursing you. your curiosity. your kisses (interesting since you now have two bottom teeth!) your socialness. your sensitive side. your soft skin. your little kissable neck. your blue eyes. the sounds you make when you wake up. the way you rub your eyes and stretch when you're tired. your new found voice, so many new sounds. most importantly when it sounds like "mama." i love so many things about you, but mostly it's just the joy you bring to each day we're together. oh, an did i mention your smile?
the best part is, you never seem to tire of ME. little old me. i am humbled by your love for me. every time i walk into the room you suck in some air and get so excited as if you're seeing me for the first time in your life. and that smile. oh my god, that smile. it melts me to the core. what a feeling to know that i take your breath away. not just sometimes. but EVERY SINGLE TIME you see me.
oh ave, if you only knew that you take my breathe away too. in so many ways. i look forward to many more breathless days.
xoxox,
mama
3 comments:
oh amanda that was beautiful. avery is so lucky and i think he already knows it!
there is a thin little river that starts in my right eye and ends in a small waterfall at my chin.
motherhood is a unifying in a way that is unimaginable. thank you for allowing me to pause with you...
Ok, the last time i cried at work was when i barfed in my trash bin due to new pregnancy nausea and had to explain my sudden "sick stomach" to my coworker and just ended up telling her the truth and busted into joyful sobs.
I am sitting here at my desk crying and looking forward to the beautiful, breathless days that you so eloquently speak of with your little Avery. Thank you.
Post a Comment