the date is getting closer....i am now officially one month away from meeting this coiled up little "giant" growing in my belly. there isn't a moment in my day that goes by without me asking myself: "how will this go with another person around...?"
i'm savoring every moment of quality time with avery. last night i put him to sleep because matt was at the shop working late. matt puts him to bed almost every night and sings his songs and i get to lay there in bed, envisioning nursing my other baby to sleep. to the gentle singing of their father singing in the next room.
but last night i got to experience the magic that is watching him drifting slowly off to sleep. i got to sing. i love singing. i don't do it enough. i closed my eyes and sang with all my heart. i sang the 4 goodnight songs with all the love i had. silent night, jingle bells, spoon full of sugar, and twinkle twinkle little star. weird choices. i know. you'll have to ask matt about that. these have been the four songs for about 10 months now.
but as i sang twinkle twinkle i just had the urge to kiss him all over his head, his face, his neck. i kissed in between each word and phrase. and i thought to myself, "someday he won't let me do this, perhaps someday very soon...." and just when i felt the tears welling up in my eyes and i reached the last "how i wonder what you are" he whispered softly,
"well, that was a neat way to do it mama."
i think i will be putting him to bed for the rest of the month.
4/1/11
3/10/11
1/29/11
grasping or remembering?
i find myself grasping. wanting to hold on to this life of just the three of us a little bit longer. i keep thinking, we are just now figuring out how to manage parenting one child, now there will be 2?!?!?!
three months is not long my friends.
i want desperately to remember each and every detail of what we have learned from eachother thus far. and there has been a lot learned. he is my teacher. but i am not good about posting photos, events, thoughts of our day to day life. i wish i could be soulemama. sigh. who doesn't? but alas. i am not.
as his student, i guess i have just been trying to live it. be in the moment. savoring the tastes, smells, sensations of this life. this beautiful, full life we have created for ourselves. but do you know what? sometimes it's almost harder to tolerate the insane exctasy of loving.
we are put on earth a little space, That we may learn to bear the beams of love. William Blake, Songs of Innocence
sometimes i feel like that. like my job is to learn how to bear the beams love. how could love possibly be hard to bear? because i have never really known love before. i am learning. learning to bear love. and love does not need to grasp. so, here i go. entering a world where all i have is all i need. and upon reflection, it's a lot.
i feel like i gain so much from getting a little window into other peoples' exsistences, and sort of selfish that i have not kept up my end of the bargain. so, while i still have some time on my hands i want to catch you all up to speed on the past year of our life. a month at a time. it will help me both remember and let go..
three months is not long my friends.
i want desperately to remember each and every detail of what we have learned from eachother thus far. and there has been a lot learned. he is my teacher. but i am not good about posting photos, events, thoughts of our day to day life. i wish i could be soulemama. sigh. who doesn't? but alas. i am not.
as his student, i guess i have just been trying to live it. be in the moment. savoring the tastes, smells, sensations of this life. this beautiful, full life we have created for ourselves. but do you know what? sometimes it's almost harder to tolerate the insane exctasy of loving.
we are put on earth a little space, That we may learn to bear the beams of love. William Blake, Songs of Innocence
sometimes i feel like that. like my job is to learn how to bear the beams love. how could love possibly be hard to bear? because i have never really known love before. i am learning. learning to bear love. and love does not need to grasp. so, here i go. entering a world where all i have is all i need. and upon reflection, it's a lot.
i feel like i gain so much from getting a little window into other peoples' exsistences, and sort of selfish that i have not kept up my end of the bargain. so, while i still have some time on my hands i want to catch you all up to speed on the past year of our life. a month at a time. it will help me both remember and let go..
November
the biggest news: first visit from midwife Rachel. the baby was too busy flipping to let us hear the actual heart beat.
October
pumpkins of course. we had 11 pie pumpkins on the boulevard and 3 BIG jack-o-lanterns. we carved one. avery couldn't bear to "cut his apart" so he drew a face on his. and he moved into his big boy bed. courtesy of his old man.
p.s. the wrist band are not a fashion statement, they are anti-nausea bands courtesy of morning sickness.
p.s. the wrist band are not a fashion statement, they are anti-nausea bands courtesy of morning sickness.
September
one word defines september in minnesota: tomatoes! a pretty good crop this year as you can see. and our first trip to seed savers exchange for the annual tomato-tasting. exciting.
August
august was full, full indeed. conceiving a babe. holding the full moon at blue mound state park. smoking a peace pipe with paige (sorry baby). we prayed to mother earth: "please take pity on us, help me, help me" sunflowers higher than our heads. watermelon. pumpkin patches. cicadas. holding on to summer....
July
july made us smile! july was spent at the pool. and at the farm, growing flowers and doing weddings. oh, and eating amazing home-grown food.
April
the smell of lily of the valley filled every room of the house. baby kate was born! avery turned 3 and the bleeding hearts danced in the breeze.
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